The Adventures of Jane, Marley and Cat

Are you a different person at home, at work, at church, or elsewhere?  Does your personality change with the situation and group of people you are with?

These questions were posed to me last night and I have been pondering them.

What if we were the same regardless of where we were and who we were with?  What if we were always our “authentic” self?

I can look back over the last few years and see that I was NOT my authentic self in most situations.  I was a totally different person at work than I was at home, and a different person at Church all together.  However, with the personal work I have been doing I can say that things are better.  Not perfect.  But better.

There are certain people with whom I can be my real self.  These are few.  But they know who they are.  They are those who understand my story, my woo, my spirituality, my commitment to things that I have embraced in the past and those I am embracing now.  These are the people with whom I can share my deepest thoughts and fears and confusions, without worry that they will think I’ve freaked out or that they might freak out at me!  To those of you who are in this place in my life: I love you.  Thank you for being a safe place for me.

So, is it because I worship the “God of What Will People Think”? that prevents me from being authentic in all situations?  Perhaps.  I do feel a certain responsibility to not disturb others.  Bottom line: I don’t want those I love to think I am in distress or in a state of confusion.  So, I don’t go into the gory details of my life, my thoughts, my beliefs with everyone.

Why be utterly authentic?  Well, it takes a whole lot less energy to just be yourself than to always be wondering what you can say to whom.  And also, people feel safer around you because you are always you.  Not some ever-changing version of yourself.

So, I pose these questions to you:  Who are you?  How does your authentic self differ from the personas you wear in various situations?  Why do you feel you need to be a chameleon? What are the fears that hold you back?  Would you indeed be happier if you were always the same person.

1 – number of times I hit the snooze button this morning.

15 – number of minutes it took me to get out the door this morning. How can it take that long to pull on gym clothes, brush my teeth, and get in the car?

28 – number of minutes on the treadmill

3.2 – my top speed (hey, I’m taking it easy on myself)

2,541 – number of times while on the treadmill I wished I had new shoes. These hurt my feet!

32 – number of ounces of water drunk (drank? gedrunken?) while on the treadmill

40 – number of minutes it took me to get dressed at the gym after I worked out. This included a shower, doing hair and makeup and making myself presentable for work. Oh, and trying to pass the IQ test of getting everything back in the suitcase I bring with all my crap.

387 – number of times I still felt slightly smug that I was at the gym this morning

387 – number of times I felt slightly uncomfortable knowing I was the only fat person at the gym

2 – the channel I watched while walking this morning

1469 - the number of times I wondered why there is such stupid stuff on TV in the morning.

687 – the number of times Glo warned me not to do *an homage to Omar because he was already so full of himself.

For many people a trip to Hawaii is about the sites, the sounds, the flavors of Hawaii. It’s a trip to Pearl Harbor, Waikiki, and the Polynesian Cultural Center. If you’re really lucky you visit the outer islands.. a day in Maui, maybe a trip to Kauai.

However, Hawaii for me is about relaxing, centering, and getting really quiet inside and out. Hawaii to me is the Big Island, my dad’s home, my family.

I decided just the other day that I really need to be in Hawaii at least twice a year. It’s good for me. It grounds and centers me like no other place on earth. I made that decision on Saturday.

As of yesterday afternoon I have my next trip booked. How’s that for manifesting again?

My dad is going to have surgery in early January, and my step-mom will be traveling to the mainland in February. Therefore, I will go for a week in February while she is gone and hang with my dad. I don’t know if I’ll be bringing any cast-aways with me, because I’ll be pretty grounded at the house. (John required daily sight-seeing)

So my plan is to read, sleep, relax, write, study, and be still.

It’s not Waikiki, my friends. It’s sanity.